by Satsvarupa dasa Goswami
Srila Prabhupada is the one we have to turn to at the end of life. Some of his followers have done that: they’ve gone all the way, to the end of life, and crossed over into the next life while thinking of him. Each of us has to do that. It will be a very difficult time, and we will be tested. One way we may be tested is that doubts will arise, even dislike or envy of Prabhupada may come — and we have to overcome all this.
When it gets very difficult, we will not be in full control. We don’t know what memories will come. But now we can prepare by cultivating memories and by cultivating a simple meditation on our protector, our guru. By stating Prabhupada’s name, and by the spiritual sentiment of turning to him, “Prabhupada, please protect me; please forgive me for my deviations. I feel sorry for my mistakes during this lifetime and sorry that I did not fully surrender to you.”
And then we will remember his mercy and his teachings of Krsna consciousness. We will ask his devotees to read to us from his books. We will regret that we did not read more, that we did not read attentively, and that we did not serve him fully. But we will stay in Prabhupada consciousness.
We may also try to think of devotees who have passed over and what they did at the end. I was not there, but I heard that Hayagriva dasa, although he committed sinful activities and made many mistakes during his life, rose to the occasion of his own death. This was stated by devotees, including those who were not his friends and sympathizers at New Vrindaban. They say that he really became repentant at the end and was saying, “O God, I did not know how much we really needed Prabhupada at the time. And I still need him now!” Hayagriva’s example is a hint to us that this kind of awakening will come — that we took Prabhupada for granted, and that we really need him. But we should not wait until the end. This meditation should go on now.
We think of Prabhupada as a person with various activities, just as we are also persons who have active adventures. But it may be that at the end, the variety of activities, even those we can think of, will be diminished. Our vision may start to close down. At that time we can pray for sincerity to remember Prabhupada. He is like a rope that we hold on to.
I sometimes fear that in my own “Prabhupada meditations” I am becoming sensational or sentimental, just talking too much. Perhaps devotion to Prabhupada should be expressed more through activities. And yet I am begging Prabhupada to accept my service of verbalizing these things. I know that the right words can also push me into better action. Please let these words bring out my inadequacies, let it show me that I am puffed-up, claiming that I love Prabhupada when I actually do not. But let these words ultimately purify me, rather than shut my mouth. One reason I am talking now is that I did not make sufficient praises in your presence. I am trying to make up for it. This disciple who is so unsurrendered and uncourageous is trying to compensate by speaking as much as possible, taking it as a kind of service.
And so Prabhupada meditation may serve the purpose of helping us to build up a stock of memories for the most difficult time. This can also be done by prayerfully reading his purports, sharing it with others, and sharing Prabhupada stories also — building the actual, tangible connection by being his servant. For example, someone who went somewhere and underwent austerities for Prabhupada will always remember, “I did this for Prabhupada.” The devotee who is working the oxen in the field will also think, “I’ve been asked to do this by Krsna and Prabhupada.” And these memories are also service; they come from a fountain of praises and sincere worship. Use the voice, despite its imperfections, to praise Prabhupada and to remember him and what Srila Prabhupada said.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada Gita-nagari Press-Prabhupada Meditations- A Prayer to Continue Remembering -Satsvarupa dasa Goswami